Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store.

While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoes, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it.

"What's this little pocket thing here on the side for"?

"Oh, that's to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you've jogged too far."

Two men were fishing on a lake, feeling guilty that it was a Sunday morning and they were not attending church. Even worse, the fish were not biting.
The first guy eventually says, "I should have stayed home and gone to church."
To which the other angler replied, "I couldn't have gone to church, anyhow. My wife is sick in bed."

A good friend of mine warned me that, as my three daughters became old enough to date, I'd disapprove of every young man who took them out.
But when the time came, I was pleased that my friend's prediction was wrong. Each boy was pleasant and well mannered.
Talking to my daughter Joanna one day, I said that I liked all the young men she and her sisters brought home.
"You know, Dad," she replied. "We don't show you everybody."

Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, Judy received a jury-duty notice. She called to remind the people at the clerk's office that she was exempt, because of her age.

"You need to come in and fill out the exemption forms," they said.

"I've already done that," she replied. "I did it last year."

"You have to do it every year," she was told.

"Why?" came the response. "Do you think I'm going to get younger?"

A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter "R" and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it.
To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at home.
"Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare."
In class a few days later, the teacher asked the boy to recite the sentence out loud.
The boy nervously eyed his classmates, many of them already laughing at him. He then replied, "Bob gave Dick a poke in the side because the bunny wasn't cooked enough."

Blonde Driver
A blonde who had recently learned to drive was heading through town and suddenly stopped dead and wouldn’t move.
After several minutes, a nearby police officer having observed this strange activity turned his lights on and pulled up behind her. He got out of his car and calmly walked up to tap her window and waited for her to roll it down.
The woman seemed very distressed and the officer asked what was wrong.
She told him she didn’t know what to do. She was going to be late, but she had studied very hard for her driver’s test the previous week and knew she had to obey all road signs, so she couldn’t go.
The officer stood up and looked over her car. Seeing no stop or construction signs, he felt slightly confused and told her he saw no sign stopping her from continuing. She became more upset and pointed out the right side of her car, telling the cop it was right there.
He looked again and almost laughed as he finally read, "Do Not Pass."

At the banquet of their 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such a long duration.
"Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife"?
Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single!"

My son, Scott, an insurance broker in Florida, loves ocean fishing and takes his cell phone along on the boat. One morning, we were drifting about ten miles offshore as Scott discussed business on the phone.
Suddenly, his rod bent double and the reel screamed as line poured off the spool. Scott was master of the situation. "Pardon me," he told his customer calmly. "I have a call on another line."

I Forgot
After a physical, a man gets a call from his doctor, "I've got bad news and worse news."
“What’s the bad news”?
“You’ve got 24 hours to live.”
“How could there be any worse news”?
“I forgot to call you yesterday.”

A salesman was demonstrating unbreakable combs in a department store. He was impressing the people who stopped by to look at them by putting the comb through all sorts of torture and stress.
Finally, to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he bent the comb completely in half and it snapped with a loud crack. Without missing a beat, he bravely held up both halves of the "unbreakable" comb for everyone to see and said, "And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what an unbreakable comb looks like on the inside."

A proud father brought home a backyard swing set for his children and immediately started to assemble it with all the neighborhood children anxiously waiting to play on it.
After several hours of reading the directions, attempting to fit bolt A into slot B, etc., he finally gave up and called upon an old handyman working in a neighboring yard.
The old timer came over, threw the directions away, and in a short while had the set completely assembled.
It's beyond me," said the father, "how you got it together without even reading instructions."
"To tell the truth," replied the old timer, "I can't read, and when you can't read, you've got to think."

A Lease is a Lease
A woman called up a pet store and said, "Send me ten-thousand cockroaches at once."
"What in the world do you want with ten-thousand cockroaches?" asked the clerk.
"Well," replied the woman, "I am moving today and my lease says I must leave the place in the same condition I found it!"

A man went on a ski trip and was knocked unconscious by the chair lift. He called his insurance company from the hospital, but they refused to cover his injury.
"Why is the injury not covered?" he asked.
"You got hit in the head by a chair lift," the insurance rep said. "That makes you an idiot and we consider that a pre-existing condition."

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What the heck is it?
What's it do?
Why would you want one?
Glad you asked!

Basically, this ingenious device allows you use an internal hard drive as an external hard drive!
First - HOW it works:

You take an internal hard drive - IDE or SATA (that's pretty much everything from the last 10+ years) and plug it into this device. Then plug the USB cable into your computer - that's it! The hard drive you hooked up will show up as a removable drive under My Computer! No pesky driver install required! How cool is that?
Why would you want to do that? Here's just a FEW of the ways I use mine:

This is the biggie! Let's say you have an old computer laying around and you REALLY want to get the info off the old hard drive and onto your new computer. With this, just pop out the old hard drive, hook it to this little gadget, and plug the USB cable into your new computer.
You just got your data back!

Oh, and if you're like me and have been computing for awhile, you probably have an old hard drive or two lying around. If so, just hook it up to this and have instant USB access to your files! Now THAT'S smart!

My favorite use for this? Using it as a cheap backup device!

OK, think about this - how much does an external hard drive cost? They're freakin' expensive! In a LOT of cases they can easily run over $100 - even $200 isn't unusual! Sad part is, if you're like most people, you're just using them as a backup device or extra storage. Know why you're paying so much? That pretty case!
Why not just use an internal hard drive with one of these adapters?

Think about it - hook up any internal IDE or SATA drive to this device and you instantly have a place for backups or extra storage! When you're done, just stick the drive in your desk drawer! Hey, that's my backup plan most of the time! Internal drives are easier to store, cheaper to buy (think WAY cheaper) and just as reliable!
PLUS - Once you get the data off your old hard drive, you can turn THOSE into your backup drives! Now that's my kind of recycling!

So, you have a large file - or group of files - that just won't fit on your flash drive but you need to get them to another computer. Hmm. what to do...
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Once your data has been copied, just grab the drive and cable and transfer to the computer that needs the info - problem solved!

OK, this may not be for everyone, but I've done this several times with these cables and it works GREAT!
See, I get a lot of people that come to me with infected computers. Well, some of those infections take HOURS to get off their computer because every time you boot Windows, the virus turns on as well. Smarter viruses then disable all the software tools you install to get rid of them! ARRGH!
So, instead of taking hours to try and manually remove a bad virus, I just pop out the hard drive and - using this cable - hook it to my personal computer. Now I have access to the everything but since windows didn't boot on the infected drive, the virus STAYS DORMANT - and is helpless to stop me from killing it! A quick scan and removal with from my AV software and the problem is fixed!
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"Parachuting"
A blind man was describing his favorite sport of parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him.
"I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go."
"But, how do you know when you are going to land"? he was asked.
"I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered.
"But, how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground"? he was again asked.
The man quickly answered, "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."



A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of.
~ Jane Austen
Self-reverence, self-knowledge, self-control. These three alone lead to sovereign power.
~ Lore Alfred Tennyson
Many people may listen, but few people actually hear.
` Harvey Mackay




Cartoon used with permission

We always want your ORIGINAL stories-keep sending them. They can be about kids, yourself, your pets, or anything else that's embarrassing, funny, or just plain weird! Please submit at this link... http://www.worldstart.com/contact/



Not So Dumb
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son"? The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you"? said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill"?

The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over."

Season Tickets
A wife reading the newspaper to her husband said, "There's a classified ad in here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium."
"Hmmm."
"Would you swap me for a season ticket?"
"Absolutely not."
"How sweet!"
"Season's more than half over."

Jill: What happened to you and your last boyfriend?
Mary: Well, you know how men are supposed to be hunters and women are supposed to be gatherers?
Jill: Yeah, I know about that.
Mary: Well, he couldn't hunt enough money to keep up with my gathering

Upset over a newlywed squabble with my husband, I went to my mother to complain.
Trying to console me, my dad said that men are not all like this all the time.
"Nonsense," I said. "Men are good for only one thing!"
"Yes," my mother interjected, "but how often do you have to parallel park"?

A man in his 40s bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.
As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
"There's no way they can catch a BMW," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100 and then the reality of the situation hit him.
"What am I doing"? he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, examined it and the car.
"It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week, my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid it was you and you were trying to give her back."

Our first three babies, all girls, each weighed about seven pounds at birth. When our fourth arrived, he was much larger.
After delivery, the medical team began testing and measuring my new son. The last reading came from a nurse, who seemed impressed as she read, "Weight: nine pounds, eight ounces."
My husband, a CPA in corporate finance, who'd been quiet up to this point, couldn't contain himself any longer. "How about that!" he exclaimed happily. "It's 36 percent more baby!"

Car Trouble
As the owner of an old clunker, I was used to dealing with a variety of car breakdowns.
One day at the supermarket, just after I had filled my trunk with groceries, I noticed
a stream of fluid pouring out of the bottom of the car. I knew I had to get home before the car was once again out of action.
When I arrived, I asked my husband to take a look at the problem. Expecting the worst, I braced myself for his diagnosis.
When he came back in, he was smiling.
"It's apple juice," he said.

The Cymbal Player
The high school music director said to the cymbal player, "You're constantly coming in at the wrong time."
"My entry point gives a much better effect and I won't play it as written," the cymbal player said.
Later, the principal asked the music director, "Why did you kick that young musician out of the band?"
"It was a simple case of cymbal disobedience."