One of my college friends asked a group of us for advice on organizing his final report for the year.
"Why don't you use Roman numerals to head the different sections?" another friend suggested.
"I already thought of that," he replied. "But my keyboard doesn't have Roman numerals on it."

Torrential rainstorms were knocking down power lines all over town. That meant, as a customer service representative for the electric company, I was dispatching repairmen right and left.
When one lineman called a customer to get her exact address, he was told, "I'm at Post Office Box 99."
The weary lineman replied, "Ma'am, I'll be coming to you in a truck, not an envelope."

On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great grandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a living.

I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice.

Instead, she sat back and said, "If there's anything you want to know, just ask me!"

My nephew works at a copy shop that provides a variety of computer services. Once, a customer brought in a snapshot he had taken of the front of his house.
"Would you scan this picture onto a computer screen"? he asked my nephew.
"Then rotate it 180 degrees. I need a photo of the back of my house."

In the office where I work, there's a constant battle between our technical support director and customer service personnel over the room temperature, which is usually too low.
The frustrated director, trying to get us to understand his position, announced one afternoon, "We need to keep the temperature below seventy-five degrees or the computers will overheat."
Thinking this was just another excuse, one of my shivering colleagues retorted, "Yeah, right. So, how did they keep the computers from overheating before there was air conditioning?"

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store"?
"No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up and running boards are two slices of crisp bacon."
"Oh, okay!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
The trucker asked, "What are the beans for Blondie"?
She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!

Before she died, an old lady wanted to visit England, the home of her ancestors. She went to the Federal Office and asked for a passport.
"You must take the loyalty oath first," the passport clerk said. "Raise your right hand, please. Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, domestic or foreign?"
The sweet old face paled as she responded, "Well, I guess so. Will I have help, or will I have to do it all by myself?"