Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store.

While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoes, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it.

"What's this little pocket thing here on the side for"?

"Oh, that's to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you've jogged too far."

Two men were fishing on a lake, feeling guilty that it was a Sunday morning and they were not attending church. Even worse, the fish were not biting.
The first guy eventually says, "I should have stayed home and gone to church."
To which the other angler replied, "I couldn't have gone to church, anyhow. My wife is sick in bed."

A good friend of mine warned me that, as my three daughters became old enough to date, I'd disapprove of every young man who took them out.
But when the time came, I was pleased that my friend's prediction was wrong. Each boy was pleasant and well mannered.
Talking to my daughter Joanna one day, I said that I liked all the young men she and her sisters brought home.
"You know, Dad," she replied. "We don't show you everybody."

Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, Judy received a jury-duty notice. She called to remind the people at the clerk's office that she was exempt, because of her age.

"You need to come in and fill out the exemption forms," they said.

"I've already done that," she replied. "I did it last year."

"You have to do it every year," she was told.

"Why?" came the response. "Do you think I'm going to get younger?"

A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter "R" and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it.
To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at home.
"Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare."
In class a few days later, the teacher asked the boy to recite the sentence out loud.
The boy nervously eyed his classmates, many of them already laughing at him. He then replied, "Bob gave Dick a poke in the side because the bunny wasn't cooked enough."

Blonde Driver
A blonde who had recently learned to drive was heading through town and suddenly stopped dead and wouldn’t move.
After several minutes, a nearby police officer having observed this strange activity turned his lights on and pulled up behind her. He got out of his car and calmly walked up to tap her window and waited for her to roll it down.
The woman seemed very distressed and the officer asked what was wrong.
She told him she didn’t know what to do. She was going to be late, but she had studied very hard for her driver’s test the previous week and knew she had to obey all road signs, so she couldn’t go.
The officer stood up and looked over her car. Seeing no stop or construction signs, he felt slightly confused and told her he saw no sign stopping her from continuing. She became more upset and pointed out the right side of her car, telling the cop it was right there.
He looked again and almost laughed as he finally read, "Do Not Pass."

At the banquet of their 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such a long duration.
"Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife"?
Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single!"