HIDDEN HOSPITAL CHARGES

I.V. bottle return deposit: $3

Bill preparation and printing: $30

Polysylabbic Obfuscation Redisintermediation: $275

Three-second smirk from specialist: $8000

Bedpan Refrigeration: $48.00

Unspecified Aroma: $83

Upgrade to hourly sponge baths: $197/day

Wheelchair Damage Collision Insurance: $39.25

Surgeon's Daughter's Preparatory School Tuition, Wardrobe Surcharge: $2500

Psychologist's fees for nursing staff after you put your gown on backwards and went "visiting": $400

Donation to the Fund to rehire security staff: $3000

Lost forceps: $35.00

Knowing where the surgeon left the forceps: Priceless