College Kids
One of my college friends asked a group of us for advice on organizing his final report for the year.
"Why don't you use Roman numerals to head the different sections"? another friend suggested.
"I already thought of that," he replied. "But my keyboard doesn't have Roman numerals on it."

Everybody's a Comedian
I called my local home improvement store for a simple piece of advice.
"I know the sheetrock is nailed to the studs," I said to the guy who answered the phone, "but how do I find the studs"?
"Put an ad in the personals column," he suggested

While doing renovations in our house, one of the workmen paused to look at a flattering photo of me wearing makeup and a fancy gown. I heard him let out a low whistle and ask my son, Joshua, "Who's that?"
"That's my mom," Joshua answered.
"Wow," the man said. "My mother doesn't look like that."
"Yeah," my son said, "well, neither does mine!"

Learn to Live Without It
A friend went to her doctor the other day and the man was not very sympathetic with her aches and pains. "You'll just have to learn to live it," he said.
When she got her bill for $90, she sent it back, with the notation, "You'll just have to learn to live without it!"

While waiting in line at the bank, a man developed a very loud case of hiccups. By the time he reached the teller's window, the hiccups seemed to have worsened. The teller took his check and proceeded to run a computer verification of his account. After a minute, she looked up from her terminal with a frown and said that she would be unable to cash his check.
"Why not"? the man asked incredulously.
"I'm sorry, sir," she replied, "but our computer indicates that you do not have sufficient funds to cover this amount. As a matter of fact," she continued, "our records show your account overdrawn in excess of $5,000."
"It can't be!" he cried. "You have to be kidding!"
"Yes, I am," she answered with a smile, counting out his cash. "But you will notice that your hiccups are gone."

A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently came upon a farmer working in his field. Being concerned about the farmer's soul, the preacher asked the man, "Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord, my good man"?
Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work, the farmer replied, "Naw, these are soybeans."
"You don't understand," said the preacher. "Are you a Christian"?
With the same amount of interest as his previous answer, the farmer said, "Nope my name is Jones. You must be looking for Jim Christian. He lives a mile south of here."
The young, determined preacher tried again asking the farmer, "Are you lost"?
"Naw! I've lived here all my life," answered the farmer.
"Are you prepared for the resurrection"? the frustrated preacher asked.
This caught the farmer's attention and he asked, "When is it gonna be"?
Thinking he had accomplished something, the young preacher replied, "It could be today, tomorrow or the next day."
Taking a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiping his brow, the farmer remarked, "Well, don't mention it to my wife. She don't get out much and she'll wanna go all three days."

Weight Loss Program
"It seems like all Alfred and I do any more is fight. I've been so upset, I've lost 20 pounds."
"Why don't you just leave him then?"
"Oh, no! Not until I've lost another five pounds."

My Watch is Slow
Three tourists climbed up the tower with London's Big Ben and decided to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch them before they hit the ground.
The first tourist threw his watch, but heard it crash before he had taken three steps.
The second threw his watch and made only two steps before hearing his watch shatter.
The third tourist threw his watch off the tower, went down the stairs, bought a snack at a shop up the street and walked slowly back to Big Ben in time to catch the watch.
"How did you do that"? asked one of his friends.
"My watch is 20 minutes slow."

- 2012-03-08


Charging ALL of Your USB Devices...

Is Becoming an ENTIRE Household Effort! They're Everywhere!

All of Your AC Wall Outlets - ALL of Your Computer's USB Ports...

IT'S INSANITY AND IT HAS TO CHANGE!

You've GOTTA HAVE This New 4-Port USB Wall Charger!

Stick it in ONE AC Outlet and Charge 4 USB Devices at Once!

4 Ports - LED Indicator Light - Folding AC Plug - POWERFUL!

Cell Phones, iPods, MP3, Cameras, BlackBerry's, iPads - ANYTHING!
It's Time to Get Your Sanity Back!

Nice & Organized: Charge Everything You've Got in ONE Spot!

Slowly Drowning in USB Devices...

It's the age of technology, and we've all got TONS of awesome USB devices! From Cell Phones to iPods, MP3 players to digital cameras and thousands of others, pretty much all new devices are USB powered.

The only problem is charging them. Sure, they all come with USB connector cords for charging, but it's up to you to actually get it done. You can use up ALL of your available USB ports on your computer just by charing a couple of devices. And if you have an individual wall adapter for your other ones, you already know how old that gets - and fast!

And let's not even get started on traveling! It gets even worse then, because you only have a couple of AC outlets to work with in a hotel room. Here's the bottom line:

You're using up ALL of your available outlets and can't plug anything else in! This is MADNESS and it needs to stop. NOW!

The ANSWER Has Arrived!

Plug it Into ONE AC Outlet - Charge 4 USB Devices at ONCE!

It REALLY is that SIMPLE! Stop letting USB devices take over your home, life AND sanity! Now, instead of having them charging in all of your AC outlets, you can just use one - and charge up to 4 devices at a time!

Plug it in. Walk away. That's all you have to do! Seriously - this is a simple device with amazing results. It plugs into an AC outlet, and the bottom of the device has 4 Universal USB ports.

So plug whatever you've got directly into the charger and let it do it's thing!

In no time, this powerful charger will have your devices charged up and ready to go! Oh...and you're USB ports on your computer can be used for what they're meant for - not charging!


It's LOADED With Awesome Features!

The manufacturers left NOTHING to be desired - let me tell you! This charger has a blue LED indicator light that lets you know it's on and charging! No more guessing games - just straight-forward charging power!

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It's the little things like this that really set this charger apart from all of the cheaper, less efficient imitators!

IT'S NOT PICKY: There's NO USB Device This Can't Charge!

Seriously, whatever USB device you've got, you can rest assured that this bad boy will give it a FULL charge! Here's just a little SPECK of what this can and will charge:

iPod's, MP3 Players and other USB Music Devices

iPads, iPhones, Cell Phones, Blackberry's, and PDA's

Digital Cameras, Laptop Fans, even Laptops!

Whatever you've got, you can plug it into this Super Charger and get it done! No more of those bulky, outdated individual adapters. No more waiting for one device to charge so you can plug the next one in. No more running out of AC wall outlets - which is a RIDICULOUS thing to have happen. Nope - just 110% FULL CHARGING FREEDOM!

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Hold for the Picture
A park ranger in the Everglades was making his rounds a couple of summers ago when a woman came bolting out of the weeds right in front of his truck. She seemed frantic and he finally got her calm enough to say that her five- year-old son was sitting on the back of an alligator.
Now, the ranger was frantic. Running in the direction she was pointing, he found the lad astride a twelve foot male alligator that was trying to relieve itself of its load by twisting and snapping. As the brave ranger moved in, he tried to console the mother by saying, "I think I can grab the boy and move away before the gator moves. Be ready to grab your son. I may have to shoot the gator."
To which the lady replies, "Good Heavens, no! Don't shoot him. I just wanted you to make him hold still for a minute so I could take my son's picture on his back!"

Each time you are honest and conduct yourself with honesty, a success force will drive you toward greater success. Each time you lie, even with a little white lie, there are strong forces pushing you toward failure.
~Joseph Sugarman
Our character is what we do when we think no one is looking.
~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
If every American donated five hours a week, it would equal the labor of 20 million full-time volunteers.
~Whoopi Goldberg


Cartoon used with permission

We always want your ORIGINAL stories-keep sending them. They can be about kids, yourself, your pets, or anything else that's embarrassing, funny, or just plain weird! Please submit at this link... http://www.worldstart.com/contact/



The Golf Ball
A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off when a salesman runs up to him and yells, "Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!"
The golfer, annoyed, says, "What is it"?
"It's a special golf ball," says the salesman. "You can never lose it!"
"Whattaya mean," scoffs the golfer, "you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water"?
"No problem," says the salesman. "It floats, it detects where the shore is and spins towards it."
"Well, what if you hit it into the woods"?
"Easy," says the salesman. "It emits a beeping sound and you can find it with your eyes closed."
"Okay," says the golfer, impressed. "But what if your round goes late and it gets dark"?
"No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I'm telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!"
The golfer buys it at once. "Just one question," he says to the salesman. "Where did you get it"?
"I found it."

IRISH JOKES

Two Dublin mechanical engineers, Patrick and Seamus, were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.


"We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Patrick, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced, "Five metres," and walked away.

Seamus shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a woman! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
~~~~~~~

Two drunks coming home, stumbled up the country road in the dark.

"Faith, Mike, we've stumbled into the graveyard and here's the stone of a man who lived to the age of 103!"

"Glory be, Patrick, and was it anybody we knew?"

"No.'Twas someone named Miles from Dublin."

*******

And with another tip of the hat to St. Patrick's day, here are some

IRISH PROVERBS

A kind word never broke anyone's mouth.

A dog owns nothing, yet is seldom dissatisfied.

It is better to be born lucky than rich.

A lie travels farther than the truth.

An old broom knows the dirty corners best.

Put silk on a goat, and it's still a goat.

A friend's eye is a good mirror.

It's no use carrying an umbrella if your shoes are leaking.

Even a small thorn causes festering.

Marriages are all happy; it's having breakfast together that causes all the trouble.

Every dog is brave on his own doorstep.

You'll never plow a field by turning it over in your mind.

Drink is the curse of the land. It makes you fight with your neighbour. It makes you shoot at your landlord, and it makes you miss him.

You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was.

A jeweler standing behind the counter of his shop after hours was astounded to see a suspicious looking man in a black ski mask come hurling headfirst through the window.
"What on earth are you up to? What happened"? he demanded.
"I'm terribly sorry," said the man. "I forgot to let go of the brick."

Over dinner, Jill said to John, "I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning and right away, I knew he was a troublemaker. He started to insult me, he used really bad language and he even threatened me!"
"How did you meet this fellow?" John asked, very concerned.
Jill said, "Well, we met by accident. I hit him with the car."

I was in New York's Grand Central Terminal on my way to visit friends in Connecticut. I had never taken the trip before and was wondering if I needed to switch trains in Stamford.
Walking to the train, I saw the conductor and asked, "Do I need to change?"
"No," he replied immediately. "You're fine the way you are. Your bag matches your shoes and your earrings are the same color as your outfit. Very coordinated!"

The college football player knew his way around the locker room better than he did the library, so when the librarian saw the gridiron star roaming the stacks of books, looking confused, she asked how she could help.

"I have to read a play by Shakespeare," he said.

"Which one?" she asked.

He scanned the shelves and answered, "William."

THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF A RETIREE'S WANDERING MIND

I had amnesia once - or twice.

Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them.

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

My weight is perfect for my height - which varies.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

How can there be self-help "groups"?

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on.

Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

One of my college friends asked a group of us for advice on organizing his final report for the year.
"Why don't you use Roman numerals to head the different sections?" another friend suggested.
"I already thought of that," he replied. "But my keyboard doesn't have Roman numerals on it."

Torrential rainstorms were knocking down power lines all over town. That meant, as a customer service representative for the electric company, I was dispatching repairmen right and left.
When one lineman called a customer to get her exact address, he was told, "I'm at Post Office Box 99."
The weary lineman replied, "Ma'am, I'll be coming to you in a truck, not an envelope."

On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great grandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a living.

I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice.

Instead, she sat back and said, "If there's anything you want to know, just ask me!"

My nephew works at a copy shop that provides a variety of computer services. Once, a customer brought in a snapshot he had taken of the front of his house.
"Would you scan this picture onto a computer screen"? he asked my nephew.
"Then rotate it 180 degrees. I need a photo of the back of my house."

In the office where I work, there's a constant battle between our technical support director and customer service personnel over the room temperature, which is usually too low.
The frustrated director, trying to get us to understand his position, announced one afternoon, "We need to keep the temperature below seventy-five degrees or the computers will overheat."
Thinking this was just another excuse, one of my shivering colleagues retorted, "Yeah, right. So, how did they keep the computers from overheating before there was air conditioning?"