IRISH JOKES

Two Dublin mechanical engineers, Patrick and Seamus, were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.


"We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Patrick, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced, "Five metres," and walked away.

Seamus shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a woman! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
~~~~~~~

Two drunks coming home, stumbled up the country road in the dark.

"Faith, Mike, we've stumbled into the graveyard and here's the stone of a man who lived to the age of 103!"

"Glory be, Patrick, and was it anybody we knew?"

"No.'Twas someone named Miles from Dublin."

*******

And with another tip of the hat to St. Patrick's day, here are some

IRISH PROVERBS

A kind word never broke anyone's mouth.

A dog owns nothing, yet is seldom dissatisfied.

It is better to be born lucky than rich.

A lie travels farther than the truth.

An old broom knows the dirty corners best.

Put silk on a goat, and it's still a goat.

A friend's eye is a good mirror.

It's no use carrying an umbrella if your shoes are leaking.

Even a small thorn causes festering.

Marriages are all happy; it's having breakfast together that causes all the trouble.

Every dog is brave on his own doorstep.

You'll never plow a field by turning it over in your mind.

Drink is the curse of the land. It makes you fight with your neighbour. It makes you shoot at your landlord, and it makes you miss him.

You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was.