smart

Smartest Man In The World

A lawyer, a doctor, a little boy and a priest were all out on a small plane for an afternoon flight when the plane developed engine trouble.

In spite of the pilot's best efforts, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot yelled out to his passengers that they'd better jump, grabbed a parachute and bailed out.

Unfortunately, that left only three remaining parachutes.

Grabbing one, the doctor said, "I am a doctor and I save lives, so I must live," and he jumped.

The lawyer then grabbed a parachute and said, "I am the smartest man in the world. I definitely deserve to live." Then he jumped.

Looking at the young boy, the priest said, "Son, I have been fortunate to have lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."

Handing the parachute back to the priest, the little boy said, "Don't worry, Father. The smartest man in the world just jumped out with my backpack!"

smart dog

A couple of dog owners are arguing about whose pet is smarter.

“My dog is so smart,” says the first owner, “that every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around. He tips the kid and then brings the newspaper to me, along with my morning coffee.”

“I know,” says the second owner.

“How do you know?”

“My dog told me.”

golf

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"

The room really got quiet.

Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?" replied the teacher. "Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

parrot

Randy the dishwasher repairman was given specific instructions concerning the woman's two pets.

"The Rottweiler won't hurt you, even though it looks fierce, but whatever you do, don't talk to the parrot."

Randy let himself in and set to work, and the dog just lay quietly on the carpet.

But the parrot mocked him mercilessly the whole time.

"Wow, you're pretty fat," the bird would say. "Hey, fatso, you couldn't change the batteries in a flashlight, let alone fix a dishwasher."

Before long, Randy had had enough. "You know, bird, you think you're pretty smart for someone with a brain the size of a pea."

The parrot was silent for a moment, and then, with a gleam in its eye, said, "All right. Get him, Spike."

Funny

A principal made it a practice to visit each classroom in his school one day a week.

He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names.

The principal jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states.

One lad raised his hand and said, 'Yes sir, but in those days there were only 13 states."