Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and a baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and the father stork is trying to calm him down.

"Don't worry, son. Your mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy."

The next night, it was father's turn to do the job. The mother and son are sitting in the nest and the baby stork is crying again.

The mother is saying, "Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy to new mommies and daddies."

A few days later, the stork's parents are desperate. Their son was gone from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returned and the parents asked him where he'd been all night.

The baby stork says, "Aw, nowhere. Just scaring the heck out of some college students!"

 

A high school history teacher was discussing the funeral of the Pope with his class. One student asked how they chose the new Pope.

The teacher explained the process, finishing with, "So, the Cardinals pick him."

A student in the back of the class asked, very seriously, "Why would they let a baseball team pick the next Pope?"

A very excited woman calls the fire department. "Help me! My house is on fire!"

"Where do you live?"

"I am too excited. I can't tell you the exact address!"

"How do you expect us to get there?"

"Well, duh. In your big red truck!"

I called my local home improvement store for a simple piece of advice.

"I know the sheetrock is nailed to the studs," I said to the guy who answered the phone, "but how do I find the studs?"

"Put an ad in the personals column," he suggested.

A lonely frog, desparate for any form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future has in store.

His Personal Psychic Advisor advises him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog is thrilled and says, "This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?"

"No" says the psychic, "in a Biology class."

Jill was discussing the various aspects and possible outcome of her insurance policy with the man at the insurance agency.

During the discussion, she asked, "Suppose I take the life insurance for my husband today and tomorrow he dies. What will I get?"

The agent eyed her suspiciously and replied, "Probably a life sentence."

I was in New York's Grand Central Terminal on my way to visit friends in Connecticut. I had never taken the trip before and was wondering if I needed to switch trains in Stamford.

Walking to the train, I saw the conductor and asked, "Do I need to change?"
"No," he replied immediately. "You're fine the way you are. Your bag matches your shoes and your earrings are the same color as your outfit. Very coordinated!"