THINGS WE WOULD NOT KNOW WITHOUT HELP FROM THE MOVIES

1. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.

2. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade at any time of the year.

3. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.

4. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

5. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

6. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.

7. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

8. All single women have a cat.

9. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

10. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

11. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon, and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.

12. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

13. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

14. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

15. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

16. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

17. If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity.

18. If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath.

19. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.