Camping Tips
Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone.
A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.
A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck.
You can start a fire without matches by eating Mexican food, then breathing on a pile of dry sticks.
In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your underwear.
The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes excellent kindling.
The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for generations. The sight of a bald man, however, does absolutely nothing for the eagle.
It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding mountain road behind a large motor home.
Effective November, 2011, you will actually have to enlist in the Swiss Army to get a Swiss Army Knife.
In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be used to strangle a snoring tent-mate.