"She got her good looks from her father - he's a plastic surgeon." Groucho Marx

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it." Groucho Marx

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know." - Groucho Marx

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." - Groucho Marx

"It looked so good out this morning, I thought I'd leave it out." Paul Benjamin King

"I haven't slept for ten days. Because that would be too long." Mitch Hedberg

"You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later." -