A man walks into a bar and orders martini after martini, each time removing the olive and placing it in a jar.

When all the drinks had been consumed, and the jar filled with olives, the the gentleman started to leave.

"Excuse me," says the bartender, "Would you mind tellin' me what that's all about?"

"Not at all. Y'see, my wife sent me out for a jar of olives."

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A woman lived alone except for her pet, a male parrot. The woman was very proud of her parrot because it would sit in the bottom of its cage, cross its wings, and pray. She was also a devout church goer and would often brag to the congregation about her faithful parrot.

One day the women was boasting about her parrot's prayers. A gentleman who was listening, was simply amazed by this. ''I have a female parrot and she's just terrible. My son raised her and all she does is curse. She's the most foul mouthed creature I've ever heard,'' he sighed. ''Maybe if we put my parrot with your parrot he would teach mine how to pray and stop cursing so much.''

The woman readily agreed, and a few days later the gentleman brought his parrot by. The woman's parrot sat praying in the bottom of the cage as they placed the female inside with him.

The parrot instantly stopped praying, hopped up, looked the female over and shouted, ''Hot dog!! This is what I've been praying for!!''