The Dalai Lama walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."
~Unknown

- People in hell...where do they tell someone to go?
~Red Skelton

- I knew these Siamese twins. They moved to England, so the other one could drive.
~Steven Wright

- Let me ask you something--if someone's lying, are their pants really on fire?
~Jerry Seinfeld