All of these pilot and aviation jokes get me to thinking about my first skydiving instructor. During class he would always take the time to answer any of our stupid first-timer questions.

One guy asked, "If our chute doesn't open, and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?"

Our jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan and answered, "The rest of your life."

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Real Teachers

Real teachers buy Excedrin and Advil in bulk at CostCo.

Real teachers will eat anything left in the teacher's lounge.

Real teachers grade papers in the car, during commercials, in faculty meetings, in the bathroom and at the end of nine weeks have even been seen grading in church.

Real teachers cheer when they hear that April 1st does not fall on a school day.

Real teachers can't walk past a crowd of kids without straightening up the line.

Real teachers never sit down without first checking the seat of the chair.

Real teachers have disjointed necks from writing on boards without turning around.

Real teachers are written up in medical journals for the size and elasticity of their bladders.

Real teachers wear glasses from trying to read the fine print in the teacher's manuals.

Real teachers have been timed gulping down lunch in 2 minutes 18 seconds flat. Master teachers can eat faster than that.

Real teachers can predict exactly which parents will show up at open house.

Real teachers understand the importance of making sure every kid gets a Valentine.