* Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone.
* A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.
* A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck.
* In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your underwear.
* The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes excellent kindling.
* It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding mountain road behind a large motor home.
Monday, October 24, 2011
The Shopping Cart
My father is a skilled CPA who is not great at self-promotion. So, when an advertising company offered to put my father's business placard in the shopping carts of a supermarket, my dad jumped at the chance.
A full year went by before he got a call that could be traced to those placards.
"Richard Larson, CPA"? the caller asked.
"That's right," my father answered. "May I help you"?
"Yes," the voice said. "One of your shopping carts is in my yard and I want you to come and get it."
My father is a skilled CPA who is not great at self-promotion. So, when an advertising company offered to put my father's business placard in the shopping carts of a supermarket, my dad jumped at the chance.
A full year went by before he got a call that could be traced to those placards.
"Richard Larson, CPA"? the caller asked.
"That's right," my father answered. "May I help you"?
"Yes," the voice said. "One of your shopping carts is in my yard and I want you to come and get it."
As a concierge at a posh resort, I was often asked about the ski facilities. One day, a couple who had just checked in after a long flight came by and asked me where the lift was.
"Go out the door," I told them, "past the pool, 200 yards down the block and you'll see it on your right."
Their tired faces suddenly looked even more exhausted, until the man behind them spoke up.
"They're from England," he said. "I think they're looking for the elevator."
"Go out the door," I told them, "past the pool, 200 yards down the block and you'll see it on your right."
Their tired faces suddenly looked even more exhausted, until the man behind them spoke up.
"They're from England," he said. "I think they're looking for the elevator."
When Ron went to Lynn's house for the first time she took him into the living room. Excusing herself, she went to the kitchen to make them a few drinks.
As he was standing there alone, Ron noticed a cute little vase on the mantel.
He picked it up, and as he was looking at it, Lynn walked back in.
"What's this?" Ron asked.
She replied, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."
He put the vase back up, "Geez...oooh....I..."
"Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray when he visits."
As he was standing there alone, Ron noticed a cute little vase on the mantel.
He picked it up, and as he was looking at it, Lynn walked back in.
"What's this?" Ron asked.
She replied, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."
He put the vase back up, "Geez...oooh....I..."
"Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray when he visits."
Uncle Joe had to get a job. The farm hadn't worked out so well, so this time he tried a local ranch. The rancher took pity on him and decided to give him a chance.
"This," he said, showing my uncle a rope, "is a lariat. We use it to catch cows."
"I see," said Uncle Joe, trying to seem knowledgeable as he examined the lariat, "And what do you use for bait?"
"This," he said, showing my uncle a rope, "is a lariat. We use it to catch cows."
"I see," said Uncle Joe, trying to seem knowledgeable as he examined the lariat, "And what do you use for bait?"
Monday, October 17, 2011
A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story.
From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek.
She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.
Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
"Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"
"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't he ?"
From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek.
She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.
Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
"Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"
"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't he ?"
The Biggest Lie
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher said, "Why are you arguing"?
One boy answers, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher. "When I was your age, I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher said, "Why are you arguing"?
One boy answers, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher. "When I was your age, I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
A young American tourist goes on a guided tour of a creepy old castle.
At the end of the tour, the guide asks her how she enjoyed it. She admits to being a bit worried about seeing a ghost in some of the dark cobwebby rooms and passages.
"Don't worry," says the guide. "I've never seen a ghost all the time I've been here."
"How long is that"? asks the girl.
"About three hundred years."
At the end of the tour, the guide asks her how she enjoyed it. She admits to being a bit worried about seeing a ghost in some of the dark cobwebby rooms and passages.
"Don't worry," says the guide. "I've never seen a ghost all the time I've been here."
"How long is that"? asks the girl.
"About three hundred years."
A golfer was poised over his tee shot for ages. ‘For goodness sake, hurry up’ said his partner.
‘But my wife is watching from the club house. I want to make the perfect shot.’
‘Forget it- you’ll never hit her from here.’
Two golfers went to se the professional at their club.
‘Can you give me any tips?’ asked one of the men as he stood on the practice ground.
The professional said, ‘You’re standing too close to the ball.’
The man’s partner added: ‘After you’ve hit it.’
Finding his ball in deep rough, a golfer took an almighty swing but stuck nothing more than a divot. He swung again, missed the ball again and got another big chunk of turf. Just then two ants climbed on the ball saying ‘Let’s get up here before we get killed!’
‘But my wife is watching from the club house. I want to make the perfect shot.’
‘Forget it- you’ll never hit her from here.’
Two golfers went to se the professional at their club.
‘Can you give me any tips?’ asked one of the men as he stood on the practice ground.
The professional said, ‘You’re standing too close to the ball.’
The man’s partner added: ‘After you’ve hit it.’
Finding his ball in deep rough, a golfer took an almighty swing but stuck nothing more than a divot. He swung again, missed the ball again and got another big chunk of turf. Just then two ants climbed on the ball saying ‘Let’s get up here before we get killed!’
At 3 AM a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. "It opens at noon," answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker.
"What time does the bar open?" he asks.
"Same time as before... Noon," replies the clerk.
Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered, "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?"
The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you."
"No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"
"What time does the bar open?" he asks.
"Same time as before... Noon," replies the clerk.
Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered, "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?"
The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you."
"No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"
Monday, October 10, 2011
Remember All Those Cute Little 4-Port USB Hubs?
Nice Concept and all...But Only 4 Extra Ports?
Whoop-Dee-Doo!
Guess What? There's a New BEAST in Town...And it's HUNGRY!
The ONLY Thing to Supress it's Appetite is 10 USB Devices!
YOU READ THAT RIGHT: IT'S A 10 PORT USB HUB!
It's the COOLEST Hub You NEVER Knew Existed!
Try It Once - You'll Never Go Back!
Everybody Has a USB Hub...
The days of crawling around on the floor searching for an open USB port are over. They ended about 5 years ago when people finally started to realize that they have WAY more USB devices than they have open ports...
So the craze over the last few years has been those cutesy little 4-port hubs. Most everyone has one by now, and sure, they work fine.
But here's the thing: Since the invention of a 4-port USB hub, there have been a TON more USB powered devices to hit the market. We're talkin' nearly every new piece of technology to hit your local stores...and it's great! We all love technology, and we all have tons of USB devices.
The Problem: with all of these new devices, those 4-port USB hubs are starting to look a little weak. You're still having to wait for one to charge or be run or whatever you're doing with it, get done and unplug it, and then plug in the next one. Aren't you sick of it yet?
This 10-Port MONSTER is Gonna Rock Your World!
And by the way...KING KONG called - And he want his 10-port USB Hub back!
Not only is this GOLIATH capable of FULLY SUPPORTING 10 USB devices at once...it's got all kinds of MONUMENTALLY AWESOME features! Check it out!
10 Type A USB 2.0 Ports!
Fully Compliant with USB 2.0!
Supports 1.5 12 AND 480 Mbps Data Transfer!
Power Adapter AND USB Cable Included!
TOTALLY Plug & Play!
Will Support Self-Power Mode, Bus Powered Mode AND Auto Detect!
It Only LOOKS Like a Mammoth...
All this talk about how huge it is might be a bit misleading...let me explain.
Sure, it's long, tall and (not-so) ugly...but it was designed with COMPLETE FUNCTIONALITY in mind! It's got a 'Slim-Line' design that makes it totally at home on your desk - or anywhere else you decide to keep it!
So if you're hooking this up to your desktop, have no fear! It'll sit discreetly off to the side, keeping your plug and play devices hooked up and ready to rock!
OH, YOU'VE GOT A LAPTOP?
No Problem! Again, you can stick the USB cable into an open port, and this TITANIC USB Behemoth Hub lays down on it's side and stay outta your way - like a SLEEPING GIANT!
Ever hook your laptop up to a regular keyboard and mouse? What about a flash drive? An external HD? An MP3 player? An iPod or a multitude of other USB Compatible Devices? Want to make it easier?
Just get this hub and plug your accessories into it - Your mouse, keyboard, and whatever else. Now, next time you need to use your laptop, instead of playing musical USB ports with your accessories, just plug this 10-Port USB hub into your laptop! A single plug and you have up to 10 accessories running!
Had Enough of the Adjectives?
Let's just drop in a few more, for good measure: Cyclopean, Immense, Planetary, Towering, LEVIATHAN! Ok - I think you get the picture...so ON TO THE DEAL!
Your Price for this GARGANTUAN 10-Port USB HUB is Surprisingly Small!
Check around all you want - you're gonna find that a 10-port USB hub doesn't come cheap. They're also the HOTTEST and NEWEST computer accessory to hit the market - so naturally, the demand is high.
But guess what? Your friends at Worldstart have you covered! Did you expect anything less? For today only, grab this Beast of a USB-Hub for just $16.97, FREE US SHIPPING INCLUDED!
http://store.worldstart.com/product/7389
PS: You know the deal by now - If there's any stock left tomorrow, the price goes back to 24.97, so HURRY UP AND ORDER!
Arsenic?
Jane walked into a pharmacy, strolled over to the counter, and caught the pharmacist's attention.
"Can I please get some arsenic?" she asked.
"Arsenic? What do you want arsenic for?" asked the pharmacist.
"It's for my husband," she replied.
"Your husband?" exclaimed the pharmacist, "I hope you don't mean what I think you mean!"
She just nodded.
"Well, lady," he replied, "I'm an honest man. I can't sell you arsenic, I wouldn't if I could, and I don't know what made you think you could just stroll into a respectable store and expect me me to sell you arsenic.!"
She didn't say a word. She just reached into her purse, fished out a photograph, and handed it across the counter. It was a picture of her husband, in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
Slowly the pharmacist looks up, over the counter, and then straight at her. "Lady," he said, "why didn't you tell me you had a prescription?"
Nice Concept and all...But Only 4 Extra Ports?
Whoop-Dee-Doo!
Guess What? There's a New BEAST in Town...And it's HUNGRY!
The ONLY Thing to Supress it's Appetite is 10 USB Devices!
YOU READ THAT RIGHT: IT'S A 10 PORT USB HUB!
It's the COOLEST Hub You NEVER Knew Existed!
Try It Once - You'll Never Go Back!
Everybody Has a USB Hub...
The days of crawling around on the floor searching for an open USB port are over. They ended about 5 years ago when people finally started to realize that they have WAY more USB devices than they have open ports...
So the craze over the last few years has been those cutesy little 4-port hubs. Most everyone has one by now, and sure, they work fine.
But here's the thing: Since the invention of a 4-port USB hub, there have been a TON more USB powered devices to hit the market. We're talkin' nearly every new piece of technology to hit your local stores...and it's great! We all love technology, and we all have tons of USB devices.
The Problem: with all of these new devices, those 4-port USB hubs are starting to look a little weak. You're still having to wait for one to charge or be run or whatever you're doing with it, get done and unplug it, and then plug in the next one. Aren't you sick of it yet?
This 10-Port MONSTER is Gonna Rock Your World!
And by the way...KING KONG called - And he want his 10-port USB Hub back!
Not only is this GOLIATH capable of FULLY SUPPORTING 10 USB devices at once...it's got all kinds of MONUMENTALLY AWESOME features! Check it out!
10 Type A USB 2.0 Ports!
Fully Compliant with USB 2.0!
Supports 1.5 12 AND 480 Mbps Data Transfer!
Power Adapter AND USB Cable Included!
TOTALLY Plug & Play!
Will Support Self-Power Mode, Bus Powered Mode AND Auto Detect!
It Only LOOKS Like a Mammoth...
All this talk about how huge it is might be a bit misleading...let me explain.
Sure, it's long, tall and (not-so) ugly...but it was designed with COMPLETE FUNCTIONALITY in mind! It's got a 'Slim-Line' design that makes it totally at home on your desk - or anywhere else you decide to keep it!
So if you're hooking this up to your desktop, have no fear! It'll sit discreetly off to the side, keeping your plug and play devices hooked up and ready to rock!
OH, YOU'VE GOT A LAPTOP?
No Problem! Again, you can stick the USB cable into an open port, and this TITANIC USB Behemoth Hub lays down on it's side and stay outta your way - like a SLEEPING GIANT!
Ever hook your laptop up to a regular keyboard and mouse? What about a flash drive? An external HD? An MP3 player? An iPod or a multitude of other USB Compatible Devices? Want to make it easier?
Just get this hub and plug your accessories into it - Your mouse, keyboard, and whatever else. Now, next time you need to use your laptop, instead of playing musical USB ports with your accessories, just plug this 10-Port USB hub into your laptop! A single plug and you have up to 10 accessories running!
Had Enough of the Adjectives?
Let's just drop in a few more, for good measure: Cyclopean, Immense, Planetary, Towering, LEVIATHAN! Ok - I think you get the picture...so ON TO THE DEAL!
Your Price for this GARGANTUAN 10-Port USB HUB is Surprisingly Small!
Check around all you want - you're gonna find that a 10-port USB hub doesn't come cheap. They're also the HOTTEST and NEWEST computer accessory to hit the market - so naturally, the demand is high.
But guess what? Your friends at Worldstart have you covered! Did you expect anything less? For today only, grab this Beast of a USB-Hub for just $16.97, FREE US SHIPPING INCLUDED!
http://store.worldstart.com/product/7389
PS: You know the deal by now - If there's any stock left tomorrow, the price goes back to 24.97, so HURRY UP AND ORDER!
Arsenic?
Jane walked into a pharmacy, strolled over to the counter, and caught the pharmacist's attention.
"Can I please get some arsenic?" she asked.
"Arsenic? What do you want arsenic for?" asked the pharmacist.
"It's for my husband," she replied.
"Your husband?" exclaimed the pharmacist, "I hope you don't mean what I think you mean!"
She just nodded.
"Well, lady," he replied, "I'm an honest man. I can't sell you arsenic, I wouldn't if I could, and I don't know what made you think you could just stroll into a respectable store and expect me me to sell you arsenic.!"
She didn't say a word. She just reached into her purse, fished out a photograph, and handed it across the counter. It was a picture of her husband, in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
Slowly the pharmacist looks up, over the counter, and then straight at her. "Lady," he said, "why didn't you tell me you had a prescription?"
1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
6. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
7. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
8. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
9. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
10. A calendar's days are numbered.
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
6. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
7. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
8. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
9. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
10. A calendar's days are numbered.
Golfing in Heavan
Three golfers, Jesus, Moses and an old man, get to the 18th tee. It’s all tied. All three have the same score.
Jesus’ second shot goes into the water and lands on a rock. He walks on the water out to the ball and hits it within a foot of the hole.
Moses` second shot also goes into the water and sinks. He parts the water and then hits his ball within a foot of the hole.
The old man also hits his second shot into the water, but it lands on a water lilly. A frog comes out of the water and takes the ball. Just then a bird swoops down and grabs the frog and carries him, with the ball, right over the 18th hole where the frog drops the ball right into the cup.
Moses turns to Jesus and says, “You know, I really hate playing with your Dad.”
Three golfers, Jesus, Moses and an old man, get to the 18th tee. It’s all tied. All three have the same score.
Jesus’ second shot goes into the water and lands on a rock. He walks on the water out to the ball and hits it within a foot of the hole.
Moses` second shot also goes into the water and sinks. He parts the water and then hits his ball within a foot of the hole.
The old man also hits his second shot into the water, but it lands on a water lilly. A frog comes out of the water and takes the ball. Just then a bird swoops down and grabs the frog and carries him, with the ball, right over the 18th hole where the frog drops the ball right into the cup.
Moses turns to Jesus and says, “You know, I really hate playing with your Dad.”
Pauly walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, one round for everyone on me!"
The bartender says, "Well, Pauly, seems you're in a really good mood tonight, eh?"
Pauly says, "Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by the city to go around and remove all the money from parking meters. I start on Monday!"
The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to pour the round.
Monday evening arrives. Pauly comes back into the bar and says, "Bartender, two rounds for everyone on me!"
The bartender says, "Well, now! If you're so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be when you get your paycheck!"
Pauly looks at the bartender with a confused look on his face, pulls out quite a handful of quarters from his pocket and says, "You mean they'll pay me on top of it?"
The bartender says, "Well, Pauly, seems you're in a really good mood tonight, eh?"
Pauly says, "Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by the city to go around and remove all the money from parking meters. I start on Monday!"
The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to pour the round.
Monday evening arrives. Pauly comes back into the bar and says, "Bartender, two rounds for everyone on me!"
The bartender says, "Well, now! If you're so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be when you get your paycheck!"
Pauly looks at the bartender with a confused look on his face, pulls out quite a handful of quarters from his pocket and says, "You mean they'll pay me on top of it?"
My son is the manager of a glass and window company and advertised in the paper for experienced glaziers.
Since a good glass man is hard to find, he was pleased when a man who called about the job said he had over 10 years of experience.
"Where have you worked as a glazier?" my son asked.
The man replied, "Dunkin' Donuts."
Since a good glass man is hard to find, he was pleased when a man who called about the job said he had over 10 years of experience.
"Where have you worked as a glazier?" my son asked.
The man replied, "Dunkin' Donuts."
Monday, October 3, 2011
was the nurse caring for a couple's newborn first child, a son, after his cesarean birth. Since the mother was asleep under general anesthesia, we took our tiny charge directly to the newborn nursery to introduce him to his daddy.
While cuddling his son for the first time, he noticed the baby's ears conspicuously standing out from his head. He expressed his concern that some kids might call his son names like "Dumbo." The pediatrician reassured the new dad that his son was healthy and the ears could be easily corrected during childhood.
The father still worried about his wife's reaction to those large protruding ears. "She doesn't take things as easily as I do," he worried.
By this time, the new mother was ready to meet her precious son. I placed the tiny bundle in his mother's arms and eased the blanket back so that she could gaze upon her child for the first time.
She took one look at her baby's face and looked to her husband and gasped, "Oh, Honey! Look! He has your ears!"
While cuddling his son for the first time, he noticed the baby's ears conspicuously standing out from his head. He expressed his concern that some kids might call his son names like "Dumbo." The pediatrician reassured the new dad that his son was healthy and the ears could be easily corrected during childhood.
The father still worried about his wife's reaction to those large protruding ears. "She doesn't take things as easily as I do," he worried.
By this time, the new mother was ready to meet her precious son. I placed the tiny bundle in his mother's arms and eased the blanket back so that she could gaze upon her child for the first time.
She took one look at her baby's face and looked to her husband and gasped, "Oh, Honey! Look! He has your ears!"
Two women met for the first time since graduating from high school together many years ago.One asked the other, “You were always so organized in school. Have you had a nice life?”
“I have lived a well-planned life,” her old friend responded. “My first marriage was to a millionaire. My second marriage was to an actor. My third husband was a preacher, and now I’m married to an undertaker.”
Her friend asked, “What do those marriages have to do with a well-planned life?”
“One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go!”
“I have lived a well-planned life,” her old friend responded. “My first marriage was to a millionaire. My second marriage was to an actor. My third husband was a preacher, and now I’m married to an undertaker.”
Her friend asked, “What do those marriages have to do with a well-planned life?”
“One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go!”
A Blonde's Year in Review
January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight
February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer !!!
March
Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"
April
Trapped on escalator for hours.... power went out!!!
May
Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June
Tried to go water skiing.......couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July
Lost br*ast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm....car swamped because soft-top was open
September
The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???
October
Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days… instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!
December
Couldn't call 911.... "duh".....there's no "eleven" Button on the stupid phone!!!
January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight
February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer !!!
March
Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"
April
Trapped on escalator for hours.... power went out!!!
May
Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June
Tried to go water skiing.......couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July
Lost br*ast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm....car swamped because soft-top was open
September
The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???
October
Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days… instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!
December
Couldn't call 911.... "duh".....there's no "eleven" Button on the stupid phone!!!
THE IMPORTANCE OF PROOFREADING
- IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are one of hundreds of parachuting enthusiasts who bought our Easy Sky Diving book, please make the following correction: on page 8, line 7, the words "state zip code" should have read "pull rip cord."
- It was incorrectly reported last Friday that today is T-shirt Appreciation Day. In fact, it is actually Teacher Appreciation Day.
- There was a mistake in an item sent in two weeks ago which stated that Ed Burnham entertained a party at crap shooting. It should have been trap shooting.
- There are two important corrections to the information in the update on our Deep Relaxation professional development program. First, the program will include meditation, not medication. Second, it is experiential, not experimental.
- In the city beat section of Friday's paper, firefighter Dwight Brady was misidentified. His nickname in the department is "Dewey." Another firefighter is nicknamed "Weirdo." We apologize for our mistake.
- Our newspaper carried the notice last week that Mr. Oscar Hoffnagle is a defective on the police force. This was a typographical error. Mr. Hoffnagle is, of course, a detective on the police farce.
- Apology: I originally wrote, "Woodrow Wilson's wife grazed sheep on front lawn of the White House." I'm sorry that typesetting inadvertently left out the word "sheep."
- In one edition of today's food section, an inaccurate number of jalapeno peppers was given for Jeanette Crowley's Southwestern chicken salad recipe. The recipe should call for two, not 21, jalapeno peppers.
- The marriage of Miss Freda van Amburg and Willie Branton, which was announced in this paper a few weeks ago, was a mistake which we wish to correct.
- IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are one of hundreds of parachuting enthusiasts who bought our Easy Sky Diving book, please make the following correction: on page 8, line 7, the words "state zip code" should have read "pull rip cord."
- It was incorrectly reported last Friday that today is T-shirt Appreciation Day. In fact, it is actually Teacher Appreciation Day.
- There was a mistake in an item sent in two weeks ago which stated that Ed Burnham entertained a party at crap shooting. It should have been trap shooting.
- There are two important corrections to the information in the update on our Deep Relaxation professional development program. First, the program will include meditation, not medication. Second, it is experiential, not experimental.
- In the city beat section of Friday's paper, firefighter Dwight Brady was misidentified. His nickname in the department is "Dewey." Another firefighter is nicknamed "Weirdo." We apologize for our mistake.
- Our newspaper carried the notice last week that Mr. Oscar Hoffnagle is a defective on the police force. This was a typographical error. Mr. Hoffnagle is, of course, a detective on the police farce.
- Apology: I originally wrote, "Woodrow Wilson's wife grazed sheep on front lawn of the White House." I'm sorry that typesetting inadvertently left out the word "sheep."
- In one edition of today's food section, an inaccurate number of jalapeno peppers was given for Jeanette Crowley's Southwestern chicken salad recipe. The recipe should call for two, not 21, jalapeno peppers.
- The marriage of Miss Freda van Amburg and Willie Branton, which was announced in this paper a few weeks ago, was a mistake which we wish to correct.
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